Getting ready to jump into NaNoWriMo in November. I have no idea what to write this year, but I do know I am going to do a combination of computer and hand writing. I found last year's hand writing to be wonderful and connecting to the writing so much better, but there were days I wanted to get 10,000 words and just could not manage it by hand. I am not sure how to make this combination/hybrid happen, yet, and it may take a bit of trial and error to get it right...or write? Hehe.
I have had wins in all the years I have attempted NaNo, but I have not edited anything for publication, yet. I would like to get back to ROW 80, which is a year round writing project that allows for writing or editing and encourages each other through 80 day rounds. I loved it when I did it back in 2014 and completely forgot about it.
This year will be different than any of the years since I started NaNoWriMo because, ladies and gentlemen, I have my life back! I changed jobs, giving notice last year in December after a search that lasted almost a year. It was emotional, draining, and difficult. The aftermath has been wonderful, and it is delightful how happy I can be doing the same job that was killing me. I have more creativity in my job and am taking better care of myself physically and emotionally than I ever have. Adding writing back to my life will be challenging, but one I am savoring.
I have wondered if I changed from extrovert to introvert over the last few years. My job took over my life. I was working 11 hour days 4 days a week and then adding another 8-12 hours of charting on the computer on top of that on the weekend, usually on Sunday. I forgot what church feels like, and could not have made it if I wanted to. Now, I get to choose, go to church, rest, play, listen to what I need, rather than what I have to do. This rest allows for greater creativity and better attention to my work, which is patients and their illness or health. I have my life back!
I am going to a core class offered by my employer, and finding out all kinds of things. It is twice a week, and I attend a yoga class once a week in person and do home practice daily. There is no way with my former job that I could have obligated myself to this schedule. I needed more rest. I needed ALL the rest when I was not working. It still was not enough. Now, I am going to multiple classes and doing other social things and feeling good about them and me. I am not noticing them taking any additional energy, rather, they are feeding my energy level and spirit. This is life going the right direction.
Now, to start writing to figure out what I want to focus on for November...
Sunday, October 8, 2017
Why I had brain surgery
Imagine stepping out of the shower one day and finding it difficult to smile. You look in the mirror and notice that the left side of your face is drooping. This happened to me about three years ago. It lasted 2 minutes and I didn't think anything of it. We had been hiking and I applied a deet-rich insecticide with my hands before we went and picked and ate tons of berries all the way up and back during the hike with the deet residue on them. Maybe I had poisoned myself. (Hopefully, just a little.)
I look back and think how crazy it was that I dismissed that sign. I am a Nurse Practitioner and if a patient called me and told me this was happening to them, I would immediately send them to the hospital. So, why did I ignore it?
It was too scary to contemplate. It was much less stressful to ignore it. My grandmother had passed on at 42 years old after multiple strokes. My sister has had 2 strokes in her twenties and early thirties. I was 42. I had already been to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and been checked out. Granted, it was a full 18 months earlier, and at that time, I had a small narrowing in my internal carotid artery. This is the artery that feeds the interior of the brain from the neck. I was told to come back in a year. Must not have been paying enough attention. Or, was I ignoring this, too.
The options I had at Mayo were to have a brain surgery to give me blood flow around the spot in my brain that was narrowing, waiting and watching, or more tests and one of the above. Too scary to contemplate.
Along I went for over a month before the same thing happened again. My face "melted." My left arm started getting numb. It would start in my little finger, making typing really difficult. After some time, which varied from 5 minutes to several hours, it would fade. Then another finger or more than one, would go numb, again cramping my typing style. I typed all day long to get patient information into an electronic health record. It was important that I had the ability to do this.
During this time, I found myself waking up in the morning and just feeling terrible. There was nothing specific I could point to that made me feel this way. I preferred to go back to sleep and would sleepily say, "I just don't want to play today." As long as this was on a day I didn't have to work, it was not too bad. The problem worsened when my migraines ramped up, randomly interrupting my life. There was nothing to explain it. And I kept track of everything. Food, drink, weather, stress. Nothing made it worse or better. So, I would have headaches that would force me to stay home or to go home. I was having numbness in my hand and the melting face was getting worse. And it was happening more often.
Finally, one day, my face melted at work, and lasted for almost 20 minutes. The doctor working with me that day looked at me and sent me to the Emergency Room. We did a CT scan of my head which didn't see anything. Of course not, there is not much that was going wrong with me that could be seen on a CT. If I had a big bleed or something, that would have been obvious, but nothing like that was going on. Just a nefarious, gradual, decrease in blood flow to parts of my brain.
If I were having these symptoms 40 years earlier, I would have just had to wait around until the big one happened. I am so lucky to be alive in this time.
So, I stopped ignoring it when my face melted more than 5 times in one month. I made an appointment. The Neurosurgeon did many tests, some painful, some benign. And we scheduled a surgery to avoid a stroke. One that has been performed about 300 times by the surgeon. Not that many, to my husband's dismay. The hard part was just beginning.
I look back and think how crazy it was that I dismissed that sign. I am a Nurse Practitioner and if a patient called me and told me this was happening to them, I would immediately send them to the hospital. So, why did I ignore it?
It was too scary to contemplate. It was much less stressful to ignore it. My grandmother had passed on at 42 years old after multiple strokes. My sister has had 2 strokes in her twenties and early thirties. I was 42. I had already been to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and been checked out. Granted, it was a full 18 months earlier, and at that time, I had a small narrowing in my internal carotid artery. This is the artery that feeds the interior of the brain from the neck. I was told to come back in a year. Must not have been paying enough attention. Or, was I ignoring this, too.
The options I had at Mayo were to have a brain surgery to give me blood flow around the spot in my brain that was narrowing, waiting and watching, or more tests and one of the above. Too scary to contemplate.
Along I went for over a month before the same thing happened again. My face "melted." My left arm started getting numb. It would start in my little finger, making typing really difficult. After some time, which varied from 5 minutes to several hours, it would fade. Then another finger or more than one, would go numb, again cramping my typing style. I typed all day long to get patient information into an electronic health record. It was important that I had the ability to do this.
During this time, I found myself waking up in the morning and just feeling terrible. There was nothing specific I could point to that made me feel this way. I preferred to go back to sleep and would sleepily say, "I just don't want to play today." As long as this was on a day I didn't have to work, it was not too bad. The problem worsened when my migraines ramped up, randomly interrupting my life. There was nothing to explain it. And I kept track of everything. Food, drink, weather, stress. Nothing made it worse or better. So, I would have headaches that would force me to stay home or to go home. I was having numbness in my hand and the melting face was getting worse. And it was happening more often.
Finally, one day, my face melted at work, and lasted for almost 20 minutes. The doctor working with me that day looked at me and sent me to the Emergency Room. We did a CT scan of my head which didn't see anything. Of course not, there is not much that was going wrong with me that could be seen on a CT. If I had a big bleed or something, that would have been obvious, but nothing like that was going on. Just a nefarious, gradual, decrease in blood flow to parts of my brain.
If I were having these symptoms 40 years earlier, I would have just had to wait around until the big one happened. I am so lucky to be alive in this time.
So, I stopped ignoring it when my face melted more than 5 times in one month. I made an appointment. The Neurosurgeon did many tests, some painful, some benign. And we scheduled a surgery to avoid a stroke. One that has been performed about 300 times by the surgeon. Not that many, to my husband's dismay. The hard part was just beginning.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
ROW 80 jumping back in!
I have been so bad about updating my progress this year. There has been so much happening. The good news is that I won NaNoWriMo this year for the second time and I have a decent story to begin editing!
I was aiming for 500-1000 words a day, but it turns out, if I like my story and have an idea of what to write, I can get upwards of 10,000 in a day. Most days, I can write a good 3000 words. That is so exciting.
So, I wrote over 60,000 words this month and my goal for next month?
-I am going to rewrite my 2013 NaNo novel. It has good bones, surprisingly. Since I have been focusing on writing better stories, I think I can rewrite this in the next month and have it end up something I can be proud of. Maybe even think about publishing. At least for my family and friends.
-More specifically, I plan on 10,000 words each week. I think I can do this with the momentum I have been gathering with NaNo. I met the 50,000 word goal in 13 writing days. I finished on the 23rd of November. Personal best this year!
More importantly, I am starting to walk/run regularly again. I have done twice this week. I would like to walk/run at least three days a week. There. It's out there.
My favorite line so far of the rewrite. It is not quite polished, but it surprised me when it happened.
I was aiming for 500-1000 words a day, but it turns out, if I like my story and have an idea of what to write, I can get upwards of 10,000 in a day. Most days, I can write a good 3000 words. That is so exciting.
So, I wrote over 60,000 words this month and my goal for next month?
-I am going to rewrite my 2013 NaNo novel. It has good bones, surprisingly. Since I have been focusing on writing better stories, I think I can rewrite this in the next month and have it end up something I can be proud of. Maybe even think about publishing. At least for my family and friends.
-More specifically, I plan on 10,000 words each week. I think I can do this with the momentum I have been gathering with NaNo. I met the 50,000 word goal in 13 writing days. I finished on the 23rd of November. Personal best this year!
More importantly, I am starting to walk/run regularly again. I have done twice this week. I would like to walk/run at least three days a week. There. It's out there.
My favorite line so far of the rewrite. It is not quite polished, but it surprised me when it happened.
“She is choosing something other than you to help her through her own sorrow,” Grace said. “When someone chooses something other than family to turn to in time of turmoil, it is hard to understand. Not understanding makes us mad sometimes. Sad other times. You don’t get to decide how you feel about it, but you have to admit to yourself how you feel before you can move on. Forgive yourself for the feelings you feel guilty about before you can forgive the other person for creating those feelings in you in the first place.” Grace said.
Needs some reworking, but I love the sentiment.
Happy December ROW80 writers!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
I have a screw loose!
I have a screw loose. It would be funny if it wasn't so serious. I was scratching my head yesterday, which still has a lot of scabs on it trying to heal up and pulled on what I thought was a scab that felt loose. I can't see the wound, of course, which exists on the right side of my head from the front of my ear to almost the top of my head. When they did the surgery, they only clipped a little trail of hair, so my medium length hair appears intact to outsiders. Meaning anyone who is not in my body. I looked at the piece I pulled on and Oh. My. Heck. It was a tiny screw. That. Just. Came. Out. Of. My. Head.
Just to be clear. That is not supposed to happen.
What if the titanium plate it was holding decides to climb out of there next? Holy cow, we could be looking at a whole empty head where there is supposed to be reconstruction, people. I could start looking like a deflated grape. Heavens, I don't want to think about what that would do to my hair style.
I have been bellyaching about not being able to color my hair. Well, thank goodness I haven't. It is possible that I have some titanium plate EXPOSED. Yes, you heard me. Now, nobody panic. I am pretty sure that stuff does not take hair dye. So maybe it would have been okay. Nevermind that the brain may not have liked it. Much. It's a shy thing, I hear it likes to hide away in the dark and do it's job without too much fuss or bother. Certainly would prefer not to have anyone shining lights into it's little room.
So, it means another trip to Mayo. From Montana. To let the experts shine more lights into the brain's little room. No one likes it much, but we all do what we have to. And since everything else has been so, so good, this is just a little hiccup. I have to laugh or I'll cry.
I have felt so much better. I was to be back to work full time next week. I am really bummed to have to take any more time away from work. I have the best patients, the best workmates, and the most amazing nurse ever. It really is just a bummer. I am lucky to have the best in the world to work on my little brain so I won't complain. I'll just try to write so I don't think about it too much and try not to be too screwy in the meantime.
(If you aren't familiar with ROW 80, click on the link to the right to learn about it if you want)
ROW 80 Goals this week:
I wrote about 1000 words all together, need to get my act together and get my minimum 500 words a day.
I walked 1 of three days. I am back on antibiotics and waiting to see when I go back to Mayo so I am going to keep this goal but instead of walking one mile, I am going to say walk or exercise 30 minutes every day.
Editing, fell off and didn't do any editing these few days. Will do some today to get back to the goal.
Just to be clear. That is not supposed to happen.
What if the titanium plate it was holding decides to climb out of there next? Holy cow, we could be looking at a whole empty head where there is supposed to be reconstruction, people. I could start looking like a deflated grape. Heavens, I don't want to think about what that would do to my hair style.
I have been bellyaching about not being able to color my hair. Well, thank goodness I haven't. It is possible that I have some titanium plate EXPOSED. Yes, you heard me. Now, nobody panic. I am pretty sure that stuff does not take hair dye. So maybe it would have been okay. Nevermind that the brain may not have liked it. Much. It's a shy thing, I hear it likes to hide away in the dark and do it's job without too much fuss or bother. Certainly would prefer not to have anyone shining lights into it's little room.
So, it means another trip to Mayo. From Montana. To let the experts shine more lights into the brain's little room. No one likes it much, but we all do what we have to. And since everything else has been so, so good, this is just a little hiccup. I have to laugh or I'll cry.
I have felt so much better. I was to be back to work full time next week. I am really bummed to have to take any more time away from work. I have the best patients, the best workmates, and the most amazing nurse ever. It really is just a bummer. I am lucky to have the best in the world to work on my little brain so I won't complain. I'll just try to write so I don't think about it too much and try not to be too screwy in the meantime.
(If you aren't familiar with ROW 80, click on the link to the right to learn about it if you want)
ROW 80 Goals this week:
I wrote about 1000 words all together, need to get my act together and get my minimum 500 words a day.
I walked 1 of three days. I am back on antibiotics and waiting to see when I go back to Mayo so I am going to keep this goal but instead of walking one mile, I am going to say walk or exercise 30 minutes every day.
Editing, fell off and didn't do any editing these few days. Will do some today to get back to the goal.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Excited about editing?
New ROW 80 round!
I am getting excited about the rest of the year of writing. I wrote a novella of a little over 50,000 words during NaNo 2013 and promptly put it away to read/cringe over later.
I have been thinking about getting it out recently so I can write another book in the same series for NaNo 2014. It's amazing how quickly the characters fade. I thought I could do some editing and get reacquainted with the characters and perhaps improve on the story during October. I was so pleasantly surprised to see that it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The first 75 pages of 206 pages are salvageable. Yay! And I kind of like my quirky characters. Also yay.
So my first goal this round is going to be to finish reading through the entire book and reworking the plot into something tight and compelling. I intend to spend 10 hours per week for the next 2 weeks doing this and completing my character profiles for my next book.
Since I am recovering from brain surgery and starting to feel so much better, I would like to start an exercise routine as well. I realize this isn't strictly writing related, but I feel if I am in good physical shape, it will make writing more fun and efficient. Besides, I used to love to run and I could not run from a bear if it chased me right now. So, start out by walking at least 1 mile every day and build from there.
Writing project preparation. Since I am doing quite a bit of editing this month, I will prepare for NaNo and my next book in the series I have really started liking. My goal is to have multiple books in the series ready to go at the same time, so if someone likes one, they can keep reading. That's how I like to do it as a reader.
I love to read all of your posts. You all are so inspiring to me. I am quite new at writing as I have only been doing it for a few years with any seriousness. There is so much nuance and feeling to writing. It is much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. As a voracious reader for more than thirty years, it is easy to think that writing will be as easy as reading. That is just not so. I have such a newfound respect for writers, especially those that allow me to visualise what they are writing with punchy prose. I strive to have that kind of talent someday. Last round of 2014, here we go!
I am getting excited about the rest of the year of writing. I wrote a novella of a little over 50,000 words during NaNo 2013 and promptly put it away to read/cringe over later.
I have been thinking about getting it out recently so I can write another book in the same series for NaNo 2014. It's amazing how quickly the characters fade. I thought I could do some editing and get reacquainted with the characters and perhaps improve on the story during October. I was so pleasantly surprised to see that it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The first 75 pages of 206 pages are salvageable. Yay! And I kind of like my quirky characters. Also yay.
So my first goal this round is going to be to finish reading through the entire book and reworking the plot into something tight and compelling. I intend to spend 10 hours per week for the next 2 weeks doing this and completing my character profiles for my next book.
Since I am recovering from brain surgery and starting to feel so much better, I would like to start an exercise routine as well. I realize this isn't strictly writing related, but I feel if I am in good physical shape, it will make writing more fun and efficient. Besides, I used to love to run and I could not run from a bear if it chased me right now. So, start out by walking at least 1 mile every day and build from there.
Writing project preparation. Since I am doing quite a bit of editing this month, I will prepare for NaNo and my next book in the series I have really started liking. My goal is to have multiple books in the series ready to go at the same time, so if someone likes one, they can keep reading. That's how I like to do it as a reader.
I love to read all of your posts. You all are so inspiring to me. I am quite new at writing as I have only been doing it for a few years with any seriousness. There is so much nuance and feeling to writing. It is much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. As a voracious reader for more than thirty years, it is easy to think that writing will be as easy as reading. That is just not so. I have such a newfound respect for writers, especially those that allow me to visualise what they are writing with punchy prose. I strive to have that kind of talent someday. Last round of 2014, here we go!
Sunday, September 14, 2014
I'm Back!
Hi all you ROW80ers...
Here's what's been happening with me.
I had brain surgery in July. It stopped a certain stroke from happening. Now I have superpowers... I have increased blood flow to my brain, and a big, sexy scar (24 staples from my ear to the top of my head). I am deluding myself that this means increased creativity. I am a writer, I can do that. Right?
I have just, in the last few days, been able to watch television and do other things simultaneously as I always have in the past, without getting a fatigue headache. I am regaining my drive to write, and actually looking forward to going back to work, which is in a little more than a week.
My goals are:
1. Walk every day. I was on a 10 pound weight restriction for 6 weeks and now that I am able to lift normal amounts, EVERYTHING feels heavy. Walking is going to help me to get back to my normal stamina ability.
2. Write 2000 words every day. I have a yearly goal to write 260,000 words this year. I'm at 12,691 words this year. I am finding an increase of joy in writing by using a pen and paper rather than my computer. Weird. I know, but I am going to try it for a while. I may have to go to the computer for faster writing, to catch up if I get behind or to refine my story.
3. Edit my first book in the series I am working on. The first step this week is to receive and set up the new printer.
4. Prepare to go back to work. I will do this by keeping my personal calendar up to date and doing some quieting and centering activities. I have a high stress job.
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Hi all you ROW80ers...
Here's what's been happening with me.
I had brain surgery in July. It stopped a certain stroke from happening. Now I have superpowers... I have increased blood flow to my brain, and a big, sexy scar (24 staples from my ear to the top of my head). I am deluding myself that this means increased creativity. I am a writer, I can do that. Right?
I have just, in the last few days, been able to watch television and do other things simultaneously as I always have in the past, without getting a fatigue headache. I am regaining my drive to write, and actually looking forward to going back to work, which is in a little more than a week.
My goals are:
1. Walk every day. I was on a 10 pound weight restriction for 6 weeks and now that I am able to lift normal amounts, EVERYTHING feels heavy. Walking is going to help me to get back to my normal stamina ability.
2. Write 2000 words every day. I have a yearly goal to write 260,000 words this year. I'm at 12,691 words this year. I am finding an increase of joy in writing by using a pen and paper rather than my computer. Weird. I know, but I am going to try it for a while. I may have to go to the computer for faster writing, to catch up if I get behind or to refine my story.
3. Edit my first book in the series I am working on. The first step this week is to receive and set up the new printer.
4. Prepare to go back to work. I will do this by keeping my personal calendar up to date and doing some quieting and centering activities. I have a high stress job.
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Monday, January 6, 2014
New Year, Clean Slate
Finally, feeling better! I have been sick until today. Since last week. I hate being sick this long. It also means I haven't been able to do a really solid end of the year review. I don't do Resolutions, becuase I think having goals only once a year is silly. I have goals all year.
This year my word for the year is Intention. I intend it to be my guiding theme for the year.
1. Writing/Editing
260,000 words (500,000 stretch goal)
Edit 2 of the 5 books I intend to write this year.
2. Relationship work
Make my husband and son a greater focus in my life
This needs to be something we work on together, as I am not sure what is the most important thing to each of them. That is what I want to focus on this year.
3. Physical
Move every day. Work counts as it takes up so much of my day, but I would like to work up to running on the treadmill in the morning before work. I watched a documentary about happiness. People who experience FLOW are happier. I experience FLOW when I run.
4. Organize
10-30 minutes a day of cleaning the house and 2 big projects, the closet (clothes) and the storage room downstairs where all my stuff is languishing after my move...4 years ago.
How will I do it?
Goal notebook. I have always had a poster or a notebook that gives me the visual motivation I need
Plan every day. I'll use my journal and then take it with me so that I remember what I am trying to accomplish.
Affirmation/meditation daily. This will help me to stay less stressed out and advertise in my own brain the things I want.
This week: I am going to aim for 10,000 words by Friday.
I will plan food (daily menus) and write affirmations.
Here we gooo!
This year my word for the year is Intention. I intend it to be my guiding theme for the year.
1. Writing/Editing
260,000 words (500,000 stretch goal)
Edit 2 of the 5 books I intend to write this year.
2. Relationship work
Make my husband and son a greater focus in my life
This needs to be something we work on together, as I am not sure what is the most important thing to each of them. That is what I want to focus on this year.
3. Physical
Move every day. Work counts as it takes up so much of my day, but I would like to work up to running on the treadmill in the morning before work. I watched a documentary about happiness. People who experience FLOW are happier. I experience FLOW when I run.
4. Organize
10-30 minutes a day of cleaning the house and 2 big projects, the closet (clothes) and the storage room downstairs where all my stuff is languishing after my move...4 years ago.
How will I do it?
Goal notebook. I have always had a poster or a notebook that gives me the visual motivation I need
Plan every day. I'll use my journal and then take it with me so that I remember what I am trying to accomplish.
Affirmation/meditation daily. This will help me to stay less stressed out and advertise in my own brain the things I want.
This week: I am going to aim for 10,000 words by Friday.
I will plan food (daily menus) and write affirmations.
Here we gooo!
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